Flares don't act like that

Last night's UFO sightings (I use "UFO" by its definition, not necessarily with connotations of extraterrestrial life) above Phoenix have me asking questions and wanting answers. Not whether there is life from or on other planets, but whether there will ever be any kind of sighting by a more professional cameraman, or perhaps one with a tripod. Sightings are not rare, but good film quality is. Apparently, all talented camera men and their higher quality cameras are far too busy to capture these lights, crafts, and shapes in the skies.

Or are they?

I make conjecture: professional cameramen are behind the UFO phenomena. It's quite possible. Once, I tried to buy a really expensive camera. Before I realized I had $5 to my name and nothing else, they took me in a room in the back and started asking me questions, taking my finger prints, hooking up machinery to me. This ceased when they took out my wallet, witnessed its emptiness, and threw me out of the store. I believe I was being initiated into a secret society devoted to keeping amateur photographers busy so we professionals could corner the photography market. It is my belief that the best way to do this is creating UFO fakes, and the amateurs leave the parties they were gigging, the weddings, newspaper jobs (Eddie Brock, I believe, was a member of this society and his attempts at UFO production were failures on his rival Peter Parker, who was used to balancing his interests already), and car shows. Proof: a UFO sighting in Florida last night was explained by some as sky lanterns from a local wedding. I don't doubt it at all, and I wouldn't put it past those pro-phos.

Will they be exposed? Can the bloggosphere relieve me of this insufferable secret? Or of my athlete's foot? Please, world, read this and know it is true: UFOs are the brainchildren of photographers.