It's finally happened

Today, someone called me on the telephone and told me to look in the toilet. It wasn't even a sibling.

It was an insurance man asking how old the building was. Apparently, the date of a toilet's manufacture can be determined by lifting the reservoir lid and reading the stamped date. At any rate, I was fondly reminded of a scene from Lethal Weapon 2 in which Danny Glover is trapped on a bomb-rigged toilet.

I smiled at first but eventually I became scared. Walking toward the bathroom door, I wondered if the toilet, and indeed, the entire building, would explode when I lifted that lid. The request was coming not only from our insurance man at work, but also from one of our customers. I recalled our insurance man/customer having issues with his phone service through us. Motive!

To spare suspense, it didn't explode. Instead it just kind of wobbled and the water winked at me with its reflection of the ceiling lights.

But it finally happened today, and I'm proud.

Sleepless in Sea Cattle

I find myself about two days from my wedding. I also find myself wide awake, albeit tired like a car. I do not believe the two to be related, though being awake, wedding plans, wedding shoes, wedding circumstances, wedding singers, wedding (lack of) funds, wedding weddings, wedding wingdings (try wingdings 2 for that newer symbolic look) are all on my mind.

One of the offices I've taken upon myself is corrector-of-common-misconception-misconceptions. For example, children learned in school that it's so often a mistake to say "So-and-so and me" and were so corrected to say "So-and-so and I," rather than being taught about subjective and objective forms of pronouns. Thus, we've ended up with a generation of Facebookers who caption photos as "Spock and I at the beach!" meaning to have good grammar, but in actuality having a common misconception about a common misconception. I generally hold my virtual tongue on the web, but in real life and with folks I know, I have a few less inhibitions. It's not something I pride myself in. To be honest, I dislike this tendency of mine, but it nonetheless remains.

So don't take this the wrong way. Stress isn't just a "negative" bucket of things. It's anything that is emphasized, like a stressed note in music or a stressed point in a political debate. Being so closely involved in a wedding and wedding plans stresses, magnifies and emphasizes all emotions to the point that most everything is overwhelming. My wedding is significantly less stressed and magnified than most and I'm still experiencing this effect. So to all you with large weddings, I salute you. Also, I thank you for your delicious cream puffs. And the punch. To all you who will attend any of my wedding parties, I hope you enjoy Twinkies and suckers.

Whoever thought of big weddings should be both honored and shot. The ceremony of marriage certainly provides quite a cause for great celebration and the difficulty of such an event warrants eloping.

Newhart

It used to be quite a privilege to stay up late and watch Newhart with Mom and Dad. I have suspicions that any sleeping trouble I had as a toddler was cemented by my desire to wait for Johnny Carson to go off the air so I could witness the cheering of the studio audience that marked the entrance of Larry and the Darryls. And not many children enjoy watching credits, but I always loved watching Newhart's credits because I knew I could count on the MTM cat to meow at the end. While I couldn't comprehend much about the actual nature and plot of the show, I knew it made the studio audience and my parents laugh, I knew that Mancini's opening theme music was perhaps one of the best composed pieces of the 80s. Well, maybe I didn't know that.

Folks often work hard to express nostalgia and, well, I won't work hard to do it because I think it's something everyone understands. Also, I can't think in a straight line right now and it'd be hard to actually try and describe my nostalgia. At any rate, the one-sided telephone conversation comedy master still holds a special place in my (new)heart. Yeah, after a while, I only finished writing this one so I could have an excuse for including the link to my graphic.

Overdue Residue

The blogging community is a writing one. Some write journals, others compile recipes, some postulate on the human condition, and some write fiction. At any rate, if you read this, you are a writer of sorts. Often in my history of post-writing there have been lingering ideas, subjects I want to write about. Sometimes they build up and I finally write about them. Other times, they meet oblivion itself.

I'm in the same situation in the musical world: musical ideas build up, never get finished because I either forget about them or never progress with them. The greatest cause for the latter is not knowing how or what to do with them, usually lyrically. I'm surprised at how long I can hold on to an idea without it fleeing the confines of my memory. In fact, I remember some unfinished ideas that I wish would fly the coop.

What am I to do with these? Some of them are good, others I love. How do you shock the writer's block? Do you ever give up on something you feel passionate about?

Lisht

Every year, a few days before Christmas, I've been asked by my parents what I wanted. "We don't really know what to get you, so please help us out." A Christmas list would have been a convenience to them, but not to me. 1) Time invested in list-making could be wasted elsewhere, and 2) if I don't expect anything, I won't be disappointed. These things have discouraged Christmas lists for most of my life. The last time I made a Christmas list could have been when I was 12 or younger.

Times are changing! My brother Kyle asked me the other day what I wanted, and I didn't know what to say. I've given it some thought, but received no results. Then I gave it some more thought and this is what I've come up with:

• Musical intruements and equipment of any sort. Dinky recorders, a KAOSS pad, an obscure eastern string instruement, a guitar fret file, anything really. These things bring as much joy as I want them to for an indefinite period of time.
• A new soldering iron. The one I've been using is old and difficult to work with. It'd be nice if I had a smallish tip to go with it, and the instant heat-up models have interested me for years without convincing me to get one. That may be because of battery usage, but I'm not sure.
  
• As an early gift, could someone teach/refresh me on all of Calc 2 before Dec. 15? I'm a quick learner who is unaware of his learning style, and that has been a disappointing factor in my education.
• Heck, a ski trip would be cool
• Star Trek ship model kits? That's always fun
• Piano tuning muting wedges and tempering felt
• Somewhere to watch the Doctor Who Christmas special
• Tools are always nice
• Any kind of practical item. Kitchen utensils and gadgets, car accessories, you know, that kind of stuff.
• Not clothes (although I won't turn them down, I tend to take care of myself there)

A Valet Parking Service...for wallets

This morning, I asked Google where my wallet is. Seems like it's been missing since Saturday. Google frowned, told me it didn't know. It also seems like many others are asking themselves the same question. Where have all the wallets gone? I keep hoping I'll get a call saying my wallet's dry cleaning has been completed and is ready for pickup, or another call where I'll pick up, hear a nose sniffle followed by a whimpering wallet telling me it's ready to come home.

At any rate, when I find it or (*gulp*) replace everything within and get a new one, I'm thinking of hiring someone to follow me around and hold it for me. You know, like a butler who just keeps my wallet. "Werthers, give the poor man a nickel," followed by my esteemed butler pulling out a $355 bill (I'm pushing legislation for its creation due to its common usage) and handing it to the vagrant.

I'd be a terrible wallet butler, as my most recent loss has proven. I've looked everywhere (except for where it is). I keep thinking about Spock: "If you eliminate the impossible - anything that remains, however unlikely, must be the truth." It's impossible that my wallet is still in my pocket. Unfortunately, that's all I have to go on. More unfortunately, checks are all I have to go on. If you see my duct tape-covered bamboo wallet without cash but with many cards, let me know. Oh, and if you want to be a wallet butler, let me know.

Don't bank on net banks

In our present day banking system, money can be transferred in and out of a bank account more quickly than before. Most banks have an online access to funds, statements, loans, account openings and closings, and almost anything you can do face to face with a teller. Teller you what, it'll be interesting (and scary) to witness the first digital run on a bank. At the news of a banks closings, what will the members do? With debit cards and ATMs, quick purchases and cash back can be made in an effort to keep money. PayPal offers another at least temporary solution maybe, members trying to transfer funds to that successful money transfer empire. Or, if you're an 80s movie fan, Matthew Broderick will simply hook his computer up and put all the money in his account and you can just go talk to him to get it back. Beware Mr. Potter; I think he's just a mean old man.